Well, this week was a little rough I have to admit.
The work wasn't struggling or anything. We had another fantastic week with 5 new investigators and we taught a lot of people. The only thing is I am sometimes a little to hard on myself.
Last Monday, I was a little impatient with Sister Robinson and after I talked to her about it, I felt TERRIBLE. I was so mad at myself for letting things bug me.I was also got frustrated because it is taking me so long to really feel like I am in the swing of things and really feel comfortable with my efforts as a missionary. Especially because I am called to train and whitewash. I am constantly trying to be better, to work harder, to pray more, to be more in tune with the spirit, to reach our goals, to have more faith, to be exactly obediant, and to become the missionary the Lord would have me become. And it is HARD!
I don't have to just change my habits, I have to change my nature. It, is hard.
Before my mission I was always pretty complacent and I didn't really push myself to my fullest potential. I was satisfied with metocre. But that is something I want to change. I want to BE the best missionary possible, I want to make every day and every moment count. I want to look back on my mission and know that the Lord was proud of me and what I was able to help Him accomplished. I don't want to have any regrets when I am called to go back home.
So last monday I was pretty down and I had the impression to ask Brother St. John (the second counsler in our ward in Craig) to give me a blessing. We went over to his house after our appointments and he asked me what was wrong. I didn't realize how close to tears I had been all day until them because I just started crying. I felt so silly because when I explained to them how I felt it came out that I feel like I am not the missionary I want to be and I am frustrated with how slow my progression is. Brother St John and his wife and the first counsler in the ward Brother Herring then spent the next hour trying to make me feel better and complimenting me and saying all these nice things that I didn't deserve. I really didn't want them to think that I had gone to them for attention or to get compliments because that's what it kind of seemed like. But I was SO grateful they were so kind to me.
Brother St John gave me a blessing and it was incredible. I felt so peaceful and all of the stress left my body. Heavenly Father promised me that He knows my efforts and He knows my heart and He has a plan for me. He said that he sent me here for a very specific reason and soon I will know what that reason is.
After the blessing Brother St. John gave me a few more words of wisdom and I know he was inspired to tell me this.
He told of a story of how some teenagers died in an accident because they weren't wearing their seatbelts. He said he went all through town and collected prize money from all of these places and took it to the police department. The police department then pulled over people who were wearing there seatbelts and they would give them prizes. Like gift certificates or free things. He said this went on for 17 years. Then Brother St. John told me the reason why they went to all of this effort to do this. He looked me right in the eyes and he said, "If we saved one life....we did our job.....and If you save...one soul. You did your job."
The spirit was so strong I couldn't help but cry all over again. It is so true. I am so worried about myself and all of my problems I am not focused on God's purpose.
To find those prepared. So I have decided to quit worring about it and just push forward. To find those souls who need saving.
And in case that wasn't enough comfort, I just so happen to read 2 Nephi Chapter 4 in my personal study and it helped me SO much. I felt so much better after reading that chapter of scripture.
I know the Lord is watching over me. He will help me become the missionary I want to be. I am just going to focus on the work.
I love you all! Thank you for your prayers and all of your support.
Love Sister Jones
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